So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
