Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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