he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
