i think my mom watched the whole time
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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