I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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