There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
