Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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