I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
