I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just pee around me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
