they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
