is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
