You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You have to summon your inner elephant
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
