he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
