At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
