Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
