You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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