Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
