Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
