I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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