White coat. Heels.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
