He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
