After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize