I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
