So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I lost the right to judge tonight
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
