I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
