In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
