He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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