They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
