shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
this hospital has no fireball
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
