She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
