I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
