Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
wow bdsm is so cute
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
