So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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