i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
