Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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