It's Friday. Sex?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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