...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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