Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
