Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
smell my finger.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
