we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
