TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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