im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
