I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
