My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
