I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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