Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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