I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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