He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
