i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
