He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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