I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
