Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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