So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
