Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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