I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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