everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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