it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize