I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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