I saw his package. It spoke to me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
