oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
