he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
