so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
