Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize