Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
