I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
