Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
