I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
