He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
