i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
