She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We're too hungover to prance.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
