I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
