They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Blood and glitter go together right?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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