Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
