I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
