Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
