like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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