we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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