Just fell off a train. Bad.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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