How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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