i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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