There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
