I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
