whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
