How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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