so let's talk penis.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
