Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
