Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
